discover your created self

Fortunate: Receiving Some Unexpected Good

When the LORD restored the fortunes of Zion, 
we were like those who dream. 
(Psalm 126:1 ESV)

“The privilege you are experiencing as a writer . . . is
something very different: It is the privilege of the lone 
individual fortunate enough and 
brave enough to follow her dream.”
(Eric Maisel, A Writer’s Paris: A Guided Journey for the Creative Soul)

To pursue one’s dream without doubt or fear would be very fortunate. And I used to believe it was a possibility. But two messengers of God at the recent dreamer’s retreat, spoke the truth in love. Shelly Miller told us that self-doubt is a tool, often posed as a question from God. 

And Lisa-Jo Baker asserted that fear is a constant shadow near your dream, which usually looms even larger trying to suffocate the dream just as its pushes its way into reality.  Her exact words were something like this:

“There is no cure for fear . . .Fear will come

 alongside your dream, but fear does not 

disqualify our dreams. Fear is inevitable and 

loud, but it’s a liar.”

Even as I try to absorb these truths, the fear and the self-doubt crowd in. Will I answer their questions? Will I courageously look fear in the eye and call it liar?

It’s easy to let every day life obscure my dream, but the more I live the more I believe that the mundane things are crucial to the dreamer’s life. This morning I woke up ready to sit with God and contemplate His intentions for my life. And I couldn’t sit still. I puttered in the kitchen. I sorted the laundry. 

And finally, I put on my running shoes to burn off some nervous energy. Usually I run in silence, but today I scrolled through the music on my phone, and this album by Corrine Bailey Rae caught my eye, so I pushed the play button and started out for the run. I ran my heart out to the refrain of The Blackest Lily (although when I checked the lyrics later, they were totally different than what I heard), so maybe the refrain I heard was really what I needed to hear. I heard, “The cry of my heart, the cry of my heart, I wanted more than I ever knew.”

(The actual lyrics are “Color my heart, color my  heart, make it restart, make it restart, color my heart, I want it more than I ever knew.”)

So often I have lived my life satisfied with crumbs, but today I cried out to God, “I wanted more than I ever knew.” I want all of Jesus, not just the flesh and the blood; the bread and the wine. I want His heart, soul and mind, too! I want His freedom, His creativity, His wisdom, His compassion, His forgiveness, His delight in every little thing. 

I want to be more and more like Jesus. How about you? Are you struggling with self-doubt or fear? Do you believe God wants to restore your spiritual fortunes? To make you more like Jesus?

10 responses to “Fortunate: Receiving Some Unexpected Good”

  1. Kel, it seems to me that you long for more of Jesus (everything of Jesus!) even more than your dream. It seems to me that that is the attitude He loves. He promises you will find Him (in all His depths) when you search for Him with all your heart. He also promises to give you the desires of your heart (His desires that He places there), and of course, the dreams He gives you are all bound up with that. Surely there is someone who does NOT want you to have more of Jesus or His dreams for you. And we all know what his name is, even though he masquerades as fear (and self-doubt, etc). Just tell him to go packing, and fulfill all God's purposes for you. He won't fail you.thank you for the courage you always demonstrated as you encourage us (meaning fill us with courage too)!LoveLynni

  2. Lynni- Thanks for reminding me of the truth that He gives us/places His desires in our hearts…desire is my one word for 2013 and today I felt so ministered to Him to embrace the abundant life! Encouraging others is part of my dream, so glad that you experience this here and in our conversations. We cheer each other on! To God be the glory!

  3. oh yes! to God be the glory. Kel, again, I tell you what a brilliant photographer you are, too….something I never knew when I first met you. Where is this church? I had meant to ask.

  4. I snapped this photo with my phone while walking down Duvall St. with my son last week in Key West…not sure the name of the church, but the sun was glinting off its whiteness with such stark beauty…I had to capture it! Thanks!

  5. I have been experiencing similar fears and doubts…we must be up to something that is kingdom worthy! Love your message here Kel. That church is a beauty too! We are so fortunate to have one another.Hugs, Kelly

  6. What good insight , Kelly! Yes I truly am grateful to be in this together! To the kingdom!

  7. A phone camera?! Are you kidding? Maybe there is hope for me yet–that is, if I get the proper kind of phone! I'm hopeless!

  8. Yes the newer "smart" phones take pretty amazing photos

  9. Yes! to all of this. God is stirring up so many good things, Kel. I'm excited for you and look forward to your sharing of the journey.

  10. Thanks Jody! I am so glad God has brought us together at this season of life to cheer one another on!

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About Me

Hi! My name is Kel Rohlf. I am an intuitive mixed-media artist, creative writer and performer. Life is a performance. I often attend.


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