This new found awareness surfaces, as I add a new element each day. Seven days in, and I find myself thinking ahead. What color will I add tomorrow? Now that most of the canvas has color on it, what else can I add? Should I add collage? Should I scribble with a charcoal pencil or write words with a permanent marker? These very questions alert me to a fact about myself. I plan ahead. Living in a moment is harder than I thought.
Then the fears of the un-blank canvas crowd in. What if I run out of ideas? What if one thing obscures another? What if I don't like a certain element or color choice? I have to live with these fears and inner concerns. To live with them breeds other insecurities, like what if I can't keep up, what if I miss a day, what if I get stuck? While all of these are real concerns, it occurs to me that it is not unlike facing a new year, with all those blank months so conveniently boxed into days on the calendar.
I don't know what those days hold, anymore than I can readily predict what will go on the canvas each day. I have to be in the moment. Live out each day and choice as they happen. And enjoy the process and the proceedings as I go.
This is freedom. This is good. Surprises and even disappointments are ahead, but there is no need to figure them out. I can relax. I don't have to brace myself for what may or may not happen next. I am learning to breathe deeper. And to exhale more completely. It's all part of being a witness to my own life and the work I choose. I am grateful.