I stand outside the canvas. An observer. A witness of what has been happening over the past seven days. But I am also on the canvas, marks made by my hand and ideas generated by my brain. Even underlying emotions, doubts and questions exist both on and outside the canvas.

This new found awareness surfaces, as I add a new element each day. Seven days in, and I find myself thinking ahead. What color will I add tomorrow? Now that most of the canvas has color on it, what else can I add? Should I add collage? Should I scribble with a charcoal pencil or write words with a permanent marker? These very questions alert me to a fact about myself. I plan ahead. Living in a moment is harder than I thought.

Then the  fears of the un-blank canvas crowd in. What if I run out of ideas? What if one thing obscures another? What if I don't like a certain element or color choice? I have to live with these fears and inner concerns. To live with them breeds other insecurities, like what if I can't keep up, what if I miss a day, what if I get stuck? While all of these are real concerns, it occurs to me that it is not unlike facing a new year, with all those blank months so conveniently boxed into  days on the calendar.

I don't know what those days hold, anymore than I can readily predict what will go on the canvas each day. I have to be in the moment. Live out each day and choice as they happen. And enjoy the process and the proceedings as I go.

This is freedom. This is good. Surprises and even disappointments are ahead, but there is no need to figure them out. I can relax. I don't have to brace myself for what may or may not happen next. I am learning to breathe deeper. And to exhale more completely. It's all part of being a witness to my own life and the work I choose. I am grateful.
 


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03/27/2017 5:47am

Canvas is really one of the forms of arts that will enable you to bring out the beauty of a blank paper. I feel how confused and conscious you are in choosing the right things that you want to include in your work. I know how much you want to make that thing look more beautiful and lively. And I must tell you that your works are really incredible! You are indeed good at this. I must say that you just have to follow what you want and things will be the way you want it to be.

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